Absolutely Essential

I don’t know about you but I’m thinking the folks who make ballpoint pens are not essential workers. However, that’s what Newell, the company that owns Paper Mate (and Sharpies), has argued in order to keep its factory open in Mexico. The rationale given by the company, according to a New York Times article, is that doctors and nurses need pens.

Hey, all front line workers  need underwear too. At least most of them, I’m guessing. But does that qualify Jockey or Victoria’s Secret as an essential business?

Other foreign-owned companies—most of them American—are making similar claims to keep their operations up and running in Mexico so as not to interrupt their supply chains. Clearly, the health of Mexican workers is secondary to the economy of the U.S. of A. I mean, how else do you Make America Great Again? Provide health care, maybe. Get rid of you-know-who. But I digress.

Such self-centred or should I say nation-centred reasons for declaring a service or product essential prompted me to come up with a list of other possibilities:

• Swiffer cleaning cloths are a must because Mr. Clean forbid anyone would have to rip up old flannel sheets and nighties to make their own rags. How many DIY projects can a person handle during a pandemic? I mean, there’s bread to be baked, people.
• Dog toys. What will Spot do if he doesn’t have a new stuffy after joyfully ripping apart one yesterday and the day before and the day before that. If denied regular replacements he will no doubt attack the down pillows in your bedroom and all the kids stuffed animals.
• Nail salons because women no longer know how to file their own nails and when you have to tap away on the computer while working at home it’s demoralizing to see those gel chipped nails lacking a coat of pandemic pink or viral vermilion.
• With increased interested in using Lego to create everything from the recreation of wedding scenes to homemade grow-light stands, this ubiquitous brick surely is an essential item, especially for many a self-isolating 30-year-old male who left his bins of Lego in his parent’s basement.
• Erasers for sure. All those non-working stay-at-homers doing Crossword and Sudoku puzzles no doubt are getting better at it, but mistakes happen. Probably should add rubber-tipped pencils to the list too.
• Television manufacturers need to keep up with the demand from families stuck at home day and night, with their kids, who find two TV screens no longer suffice. (Oh wait, that actually is an argument made by Chinese owners of a Mexican factory that exports to the U.S. They maintain TVs are indispensable communications equipment during the pandemic.)
• Cheezies (the Hawkins brand, NOT the air-filled non-cheesy Cheetos) because they are my go-to comfort snack and clearly my personal want supplants everyone else’s safety.

Fortunately, Cheezies aren’t as popular as toilet paper and they are still on the shelves.

What would you add to the list?